haha yeah! life is good. ^_^


so this coming week i think im going to do something with my hair.
im not sure WHAT, but i think something fun haha. depends on which job i get (either home depot or the taboo video job) and also depends on if they ALLOW me to do fun stuff, otherwise i might just do a fauxhawk kinda thing
ideally, i would love to be able to dye it again, maybe red and purple again, or something who knows.

also, i have 2 job offers and im PRETTY sure im going with the adult store as its about the same pay and hours, but its permanent and its a LOT more relaxed environment. customers go to home depot because they HAVE to, because their pipes burst, or need to spend a shit ton of money on renovations, customers come to a sex store because they want to treat themselves and WANT to be there.
sure some creeps will come in, but fuck it, im just working there XD


ihope i can do something fun with my hair there and have a pierced lip again...i miss that!

also, next monday is the CKY show! fuck yeah!

this week has been fuckin rocking.

wed i had an interview at chevron, im thinking i didn't get the job, but no worries, it seemed kinda crappy.
thursday i had an interview at home depot, NAILED that one, have a second interview tomorrow! ^_^
today i have an interview at taboo adult video in kenmore. pretty far from seatown, but busses work well.
:)

yesterday just chilled around seattle with keith and emily. got a little tipsy and tried to dj...i THINK i did okay? haha for mixing music i had never heard on decks i had never used before haha. :p

today im going to hang out with bams later i think we are going to pike place maybe. idk yet :p
then later is Yellow Brick Road. taking pics and i can't wait :D :D

Tomorrow is my second interview with home depot, if i get it, then there is a 3rd and final. im pretty darn confident about that one. :D
after that, im meeting up with my mom and dad cause they are coming to seattle to hang out and be tourists...even though thats what they did last weekend AND they are from snohomish, so touring around a city 20 minutes away hahaha.


finally, heroin junkies are almost a thing of the past for me! ^___^ i got confirmation on the room in seattle. so it is official!!! august 1st i move to seattle. :) :) :) i am so excited to be in town, with the coolest peeps who DONT DO HEROIN. :D im prety confident it will be a good living situation.

it will ruin your friendship faster than anything i've ever felt.

Alex was my best friend, i've known him since we were in the 8th grade together. we lived close to each other our whole lives (pretty much) and would kick it any chance we got. he was always a little strange, but never the less we were best friends for life. we hung out together, went camping, driving, went to see infected mushroom together. damn near inseperable.

one month ago we got new neighbors, those people just so happen to be heroin addicts and dealers.
alex has always kinda messed around with oxy contin, but it was NEVER out of control, just a once a month or so kind of thing when he had extra money and it was around him.
Now that these neighbors are around ALL the time, he is high ALL the time.
i come home and find the empty trails of where he basically had a heroin party the night before.

Literally everyone he brings over, the neighbors, his friends and their friends, all come over to do heroin. while as far as i know none of them shoot it up...its not any different. Its still taking this horrible drug. sometimes there is 5-6 people over at once all railing it and smoking it.
it stinks, it makes you lazy and retarded, and destroys your body quicker than you could ever imagine.

I've voiced to him how strongly i am against that shit, and how much it hurts me to see him use, and all i get back is "oh its cheaper than OC's" or "oh its not that bad, im not addicted or anything"

then tell me why he just sold his prized possession, his 42 inch flat panel plasma tv. that thing was his baby, he got it when he moved in as a gift to himself and turned around and sold it for "extra money"
now sure he coul dhave paid bills with that extra money, but if i know drug addicts...and i do...that money went to support his habit.

the worst part of all of this is that he doesnt even care that he has single handedly ruined 9 years of friendship in a matter of one month.
He is too high to even care that it hurts me to see him do this and it also hurts me that he doesnt care that he is putting me in a bad situation. 
Not only am i an ex drug user (hey i still drink and sometimes take some vicodin, but i used to do meth, smoke pot 24/7, and take OC as well) so by having this shit around me all the time it is just triggers. Not only that, but what if something happens at the house and he gets busted and i get in trouble just for being an accomplice or whatever. I will not put myself in this situation any more.

So i am getting out and into a better situation.
On the day i finally move out, he will finally know that until he gives this shit up and wakes up and realized what pain he has caused me, i won't speak to him ever again. It hurts to do such a thing, but if he isn't willing to listen to me, i have nothing to say.

so today was basically awesome and completely shitty at the same time.

why it was bad:
i went to elizabeths graduation, got there late (as usual...i cant ever do shit on time) there was NO parking because i ddint just fuckin ride with her mom when she offered. anyways, NO parking and im driving around for 15 minutes in circles looking for something with no luck. i look over and see the stadium PACKED with people, and for some reason it sets off a panic attack (i havent had one of those since before we started dating, so almost a year) anyways it gets REALLY bad and i pull over and start crying like a newborn. while im crying and pannicking, i just cant get over it, like even if i calmed myself down, the idea of sitting in that big giant stadium with all those peple right there for 2 hours scared me :(

i have social anxiety but its not usually that bad.
so now i feel like complete shit and im pretty sure she hates me and i dont blame her. :/ i missed one of the biggest things in her life. i am just dissapointed with myself that i ddint just deal with it...which honestly would have been hard.

anyways i just gave up and came home, got a phone call from my dad, i guess my grandpa is dying from heart problems, so we are going to see him in leavenworth (where he lives) to visit him, and apparently it may be one of the last times i get to see him alive. awesome...i fuckin LOVE that grandpa too. :(
ughhh

also, my room mate is a retarded pothead/heroin addict and is just really upsetting me. i cant deal with being here much longer.
which brings me to the good:

ive been talking with someone for a little bit about maybe moving to seattle if they have an open room in their place, and it looks like a room might open up, so if it does, and they are okay with it, i'd love to take the room. i mean, its about what i pay now anyways, and i wanted to move to seattle since before i chose (well it wasnt much of a choice to live with alex, it was what was available) to go here. so i really hope i can work something out. that would be super rad. i <3 seattle.

so when on the phone with my dad, he asked me to do a "photoshoot" for his job site. he is a landscaper and just finished up a REALLY awesome job i guess, and he wants pics that look really good and can be submitted to gardening magazines and such, so he is gonna pay me for that, which is uber rad.

also, im going to electric sunshine, which will be awesome...i mean...srsly...SHARKEY! haha. plus i miss taking pics at parties.
so saturday im going to leavenworth for a few hours, then i HOPE to meet up with graz and kinda work on some music or something. get some cool tips and pointers.
sunday my other grandmother is coming to seattle to ride the ducks and be tourists and shit, so im going to tag along and get some noms or something.

oh the neutral news:
so IF i move, i have to break it to alex who is an idiot sometimes, but my best friend, and i told him before i moved in that i didnt wanna be here long, but he expressed that he really wanted me to stay for a while, so he wouldnt be happy, but honestly, if he is going to keep putting me in shitty situations because of his drug habit, i have no choice but to leave. However i dont want to ruin our friendship so ill have to work something out, like finding a replacement roomie haha.

im a raver.
i can't really deny it.
i like to rave

haha.

anyways.
im going to electric sunshine for sure, im taking pics.

Then ill be at rawr! and SETI after that (though seti is less of a rave and more of...an...i dont really know...outdoor?)

anyways.

yeah. i think taking a break is silly, ill just go to less bad parties haha.
so instead of going to EVERY single event just cause i am a photog and CAN go to every event, i will just pick and choose the ones i think i will have the most fun at. Which admittedly is a bit less than just going to all, but i think that might be a better idea than just taking a break in general.

go tell a handful of friends what they really mean to you.

if you love them like a family member, tell them so.

not only will they smile, but you will smile as well in return from seeing their delight and happiness.
It is a fantastic thing.

i really do.

:)

this past month or so has been entirely life changing and i definitely know its change for the better.

was fuckin AWESOME!
took a bunch of pics that are on flickr too!

alrighty here is how it went down:

Drove a grand total of 650 miles
Stopped off in portland for...subway unfortunately! Then also stopped off in lebanon just to snag a pic of the sign cause amber and i thought it was funny.
made it to eugene after 325 miles!!! so much driving. Took about 4.5 hours on the road (minus rest stops and such)
When we got there, we just kinda wandered the town. It was completely different than i had expected. I thought eugene was more of a city, but its kind of just a town with a university in it. It reminded me a lot of snohomish or bothell or something.

Another weird thing was that there was no gangsters, no emo's, no scene kids, no ravers...nothing! just college neo-hippies. The girls wore flowing skirts with some sort of tyedye top, the guys were in birkenstocks, shorts and flannel shirts.
and everyone...i mean EVERYONE rode a damn 60's style bicycle. THAT was the weirdest part. for every 1 car on the road there was 10 bikes. It was a little odd haha.

 

Anyways amber and i walked on the campus of the U of O. Just found a cool shady spot in the grass and chilled and took some pics. :)
After that, we wandered town a bit more, just to waste some time and explore a town we've never been to. Ended up at a cool hippie shop (suprise suprise) and amber got a cute necklace and i got some sunglasses. Walked a few blocks to "East Meets West" which was
this nice little asian/american resturaunt. REALLY delicious food though. :)

As for the actual show we drove for: it was pretty good, but the venue was too small, the ventilation sucked! (oh btw it was 90 degrees in eugene) and the accoustics werent the best, oh and final complaint: it was all a bunch of 16 year old valley girls. "LYKE  O M G RELIENT K ZOMG I HEART THEM" ugh haha shoulda seen it coming though. :p
classic crime was really good, and owl city was amazing as expected!

So after those two played we headed back to the car as i dont really like relient k that much (yes i drove 650 miles for 2 warm up bands...SO worth it)
but packing shit up into the car i see the classic crime putting their stuff away in the van, so i went over to introduce myself and let em know we are from the same area (they are locals from seattle and one guy lived in lynnwood too!) and we chatted it up a bit. They were super nice guys too!!
 

So we waited around a bit like weirdos so we could meet Adam (he IS owl city) and eventually we did (we werent the only ones waiting hehe)
but i let him know we drove there basically just for him cause the closer shows were sold out and we didnt wanna miss him :p
he was SUPER NICE and even offered me gas money, but i declined :p
Got a picture with him and so did amber.

After that, just drove home. Rolled in around 3 am. what a day! It was definitely a day ill never forget!

So now, here are the pics!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/pickles1987/sets/72157619013343222/
 

what a crazy weekend and its not even over yet.

friday i went to the 8bit renegade with amber at folklife. that was pretty rad.
yesterday i went to the actual 8bit show at the vera with sabrepulse and trash80. sabrepulse really made me fucking giddy. haha ive been hardcore into his music for well over a year now, so to finally see him live was awesome. he signed a fake 1,000 dollar bill i got from the KGHB show too XD
hung out with graz all day and that was pretty rad too. got myself a decent little haircut! finally got rid of most of my "wings" in the back and sides of my hair, but kept it longish.

after folklife went to tiger lounge with bams and had some drinks, met some nice new people (that lounge is fucking awesome. its on 4th and orcas and the 21+ people should check it out!) super friendly staff, good (looking) food (i didnt get a chance to eat any, but it all looked tasty!)
stiff drinks, fair prices, good music. i think i found a new lounge to visit!!
also got some info about a zombie show ill go to this week at motor :p
"zombies, booze, tits and ass? you sold me"

haha

after the tiger lounge i somehow managed to end up at bubble bobble XD i wasnt really planning on going in or anything, i was driving by and decided to stop to see how the party was, and then i just decided to go in anyways since ian played in a short bit.
pretty fun, but im still sticking to my guns of cutting back on the ravetastical parties and kinda moving around and seeing what all else there is out there now that im in the 21+ crowd. might as well check it.
i wont be at another rave until im thinking october. i might see blutonium boy but its not set in stone, but i def. wanna see s3rl when he comes...but yeah. so nothing planned for the next 4 months or so.

anywho.
going back to playing ufc 09 since its stealing my life away anyways.

oh yeah, ill be at folklife tomorrow too wioth mike, lindar, and alan.
woot!

-friends.
-jogging.
-money is okay.
-might have a GREAT job in the seattle area.
-if i get the job, ill move to cap hill.
-going to see owl city next weekend 300 miles away...road trip!
-hopefully dont have to be in this apartment very long.
-finding good new (to me) music everyday (like cut copy, ladyhawke, lykke li, passion pit and more)
-i feel fairly healthy (minus crappy lungs, but working them back in shape)
-just generally happy with almost everything around me.


:D

i get to actually move in today. originally he was moving out last thursday,t hen on thursday he said friday, then friday he said sunday, then sunday he monday, then yesterday he said today, but i guess his dad is helping him get all his shit so it seems pretty solid that he is moving out, plus he will be moving out for good, no staying on the couch till the 1st or anything.

both alex and i are THRILLED to be living together and not having him around. him being rich, alex's current room mate, of whom im replacing. he doesnt like ANY noise at all at night, i mean even just talking at a normal volume bothers him and he will bitch. ugh. he doesnt like to hang out and ply games, watch tv or movies or even talk. he wakes up, showers, leaves until like 10pm, comes home and sleeps. thats it.
oh and he also doesnt clean up at ALL. ive been here on the couch for 2 weeks now waiting to move in, and he has never once  cleaned anything, and ive bene doing the dishes, taking out the trash, sweeping and vacuuming regularly.
blah. oh and he mooches food. he doesnt buy a single thing, he just eats whatever you buy unless you bitch him out for it. :/


anywho enough ranting, finally! a fucking decent living situation for me though. i mean living with liz and her parents was okay, but really...living with your girlfriends parents is only so cool haha. but now, i mean i have any freedoms at all. we dont have to hide anything, i can have whoever i want over whenever etc etc
so im pretty stoked.


oh also:
HOLY FUCKING SHIT NEXT WEEKEND I AM DRIVING TO EUGENE OREGON TO SEE OWL CITY LIVE!!!
ive never driven that far for a show before, especially out of state (i got taken to portland once to see buckcherry, it was a free ticket haha) so im taking one of my best friends and we are going to just take the whole day off. drive down SUPER early, stop places on the way that look cool, get some good foods, see some rad sights, take some pics etc etc. so the show is 301 miles from my house, so a round trip in less than 24 hours of 600 miles XD i think its time to get an oil change before i go haha. :p
anyways, im fucking stoked. cannot wait!!!

im content

 this weekend was summed up in one word:
amazing!

friday was slow and quiet, was just getting over the sickness finally

saturday, i met up with keith, we hung out for a bit, played bomberman and bs'd. rozi came over and rozi and i drank n such. then keith had a few more people come over during the course of the night, cant remember them all, but bams was one of em haha.
anywho, got nice and toasty and we went to the park and goofed around, then we went back to keiths place and i accidentally passed out while puppy was talking to rozi and i. >.< i woke up a couple hours later and it was around 6am hahaha!

so i drove rozi home and crashed at her place instead of driving to lynnwood.

anyways, woke up on sunday, drove to kirkland and got some spuds fish n chips! what a delicious post-booze snack! haha.
then drove to snohomish and met up with my mom and pops. mom and i went to flower world and wandered around finding some pretty awesome plants for her garden.
came back and hung out with my gramma for a bit. admired my moms AMAZING salt water fish tank (took lots of radical pics)
spent some time with my good buddy ozzie (the dog XD)

after my moms place i headed down to seattle again and hung out with graz for a bit at his work where i later met up with rozi again. we went out to la cocina on broadway, i DELICIOUS little mexican joint. very nice. after noms we headed up to volunteer park and walked around, in the cold and decided to leave haha.
took her home and headed back to downtown.
couldnt find anything to do so i just...drove to the science center.

i hopped out and went down to the space needle and just kinda hung out for a bit. enjoying the quiet.
suddenly...i had an urge to run...i dont know why...but i did. so i just kinda jogged around the science center for 20 minutes or so and i have to admit...it was fucking amazing just running...i havent just ran in a really long time and i felt like nothing mattered. i didnt have to worry about relationships, money, jobs, stress...nothing.
after just a few blocks i got tired because of my heart and asthma, but i pushed myself to keep going for a bit and it was the most satisfying feeling in the world. ive decided im going to do this more.
after jogging a bit, i met up with babbles under the space needle. i just layed on my back looking upward at the massive structure while a little bit of rain splashed down on my face. we just layed and talked for a bit. was very relaxing.

after that, i headed down to graz's house and just kinda hung out, covered my laptop in a TON of stickers! haha yay! then i set up my 360 and graz played left 4 dead which he had been wanting to do for a while, so that was rad!

headed down to seatac after that to pick up my sister from the airport, as she was arriving froma  vacation in hawaii!!
so picked her up at 6 am and headed home.

id say it was an awesome weekend.

check out the pics of the weekend here:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/pickles1987/sets/72157617965755884/

where this is all going.

just gotta keep my head up and good things will continue to come my way.

not gonna let the depression beat me this time!
:D

 

yay!
haha
okay so LONG story short, ive been sick for a bit over a week now and my lungs were not working well and ive been having trouble breathing.

anyways this is how my day went

drove around in seattle looking for 2 free clinics, but both required an appt. that was about 2 weeks off...i obviously couldnt wait that long. but at the same time i was not feeling as bad as i was earlier, so i figured "fuck it" and just went to capitol hill to hang out with keith.

we kicked it, got some tasty thai and played a few rounds of bomberman before heading over to annika's place for her b-day party. her place is where shit gotta outta control for me. i started coughing way worse than i have been lately anyways, and all sorts of not feeling good.
so like a ninja, i snuck out and drove myself to the emergency room at swedish hospital. i didnt say anything because frankly i didnt want people to ask me all sorts of questions or feel bad or anything and i just needed to go right THEN.
anyways, when i got there, in the intake department im explaining my symptoms and they immidiately think that i have swine flu. at this point i didnt actually panic, i fucking laughed. i have been hating on it for days now and wouldn't it be ironic if i got it?
well they tested me by sticking 3 LONG ass q-tip needle things in my nose (which was just as awful as it sounds, i swear any deeper and she would have hit my brain haha)

so after some breathing exercises, and x-rays, they come in to let me know the good and the bad.

the good, i DONT have swine flu, or ANY contagious sickness, the bad was that its an upper respiratory lung infection and bronchitis. because i have asthma, bronchitis is pretty dangerous sometimes. she said my case of it wasnt the worst, but was pretty bad. 

got me some antibiotics and about to get some rest.

whew.

considering i went to the ER for like 4 hours, i actually would say its a good day.
i got to kick it with keith, get some good food, i bought a rad new jacket for 6 bucks, saw annika and a ton of other awesome friends, and DIDNT get the swine flu, plus got some antibiotics that will heal up my lungs and ear infection nicely.

so, it was a good day despite a few bumps.


good night! 

Again...im breaking down. i fucking hate this shit.

i drop to the lowest of lows, i jump up to the highest highs, then i lost my grip and come crashing again.

i dont know how much longer i can deal with this shit. 

ugh, i just need a stable job and home to call my own and i know things would start to work out for me, but why is it so fucking impossible to find these two simple things?

everything hurts :/

so the other day i came down with a mystery illness that severley affected my lungs. im still dealing with it, but its mostly gone and by tomorrow i should be back to 100%.

anyways, i was having REALLY bad trouble breathing, couldnt move much, my inhaler wasnt doing anything and i was all around stressed.

well i was going to go to the doctor to find out WTF is wrong with me...when i get a call saying my coworker called in sick and they needed me to come in early and stay late to close the store.
well i told him how sick i was and he guilt tripped me because nobody else could do it.
so fuck it i said,i went in anyways. its hours and money.

anyways, im like 2 hours into my shift and i still have 5 more to go and i realize im in BAAAAD shape. i need to get out of there and go to the doctor, but at this time the only other coworker that was working that day had left about 20 minutes earlier. so i called up billy to see if he could cover my shift, he said no because he said he was busy, so i called to see if dustin (the opener that had left) could come back, also said no because "im too tired"

and we only had dana (the guy who called in sick to begin with) left and he wasnt coming in.
oh also, i missed lunch too because dustin left early so i couldnt leave the store to even eat anything for 7 hours.
one of the worst parts is, even though billy said he couldnt cover my shift, he came into work to rent movies. thats the ultimate bitch slap, he tells me he cant come into work so i can go to a fuckin doctor, but comes into work to rent movies....ugh

so im sick as fuck, cant breathe, my inhaler isnt helping, im stressed so it makes it worse...i need a doctor and i can't get one.
ugh well i finished my shift and i was KIND of okay, i just went home and tried to relax after i closed.

yesterday i found out the reason dana called in sick  was because he had rolled the night before...thats it....so all that shit happened because of my shitty coworker who cant decide when and where to do drugs.

awesome.

my work treats me like shit, nobody there cares about me, as its been shown...i need a new place asap.

i guess the only thing im qualified for is running away 

okay well whats new...
the most obvious....
elizabeth and i have taken a break from our relationship. It was an insanely tough descision, but i think its for the best. Elizabeth has a lot to deal with, with school, college coming up soon, drill, and finding herself a good job and such...and i have to find myself a good permanent job (although i FINALLY got 34 hours at gamecrazy) moving into my own place, getting more mentally stable etc...its not that we dont want to date each other, its just that right now...we both have way too much on our minds and in our lives to add the stress of a live in relationship to the mix.
she is my soulmate, no doubt about that, its just...a bad time right now. so until we are both ready (which hopefully is soon) we are just kinda...apart from each other. i am still her friend just not labelled as her boyfriend. I dont plan on avoiding her or something stupid, i will date her again and its just a matter of circumstances.


good news though is i had my 2nd interview with Speakeasy today (tech support in seattle) so i will know monday whether or not i get it, but im pretty hopeful and confident as well. its 40 hours a week, monday through friday 9-6, one hour lunches, med/dental/vision after 90 days, a week vacation after a year, plus some friday evenings they have stuff on the upper deck like bbq's, kegs and tunes. no joke! Plus they dont really have a "Dress code" its kinda business casual, but i mean, i could have blue hair and pierce my entire face if i wanted or something haha. So all around its a good career and i hope i get it.

also, im currently "homeless" just kinda...couchsurfing. its actually not so bad so far. im a little broke and its kinda weird...but...things could be much worse.

also, the best thing ever happened recently at work.
well i went into work to get my check and i didnt have any hours (other than the 7 i had already worked in the week) and anyways, im getting my check and because ive been busting my ass super hardcore at work, my manager offered me another shift.
so naturally, being "homeless" and broke, i took it.
anyways, i come into work, start my shift as normal. About 1 hour into the shift matt and i are working, a lady comes into work and asks me "do you know anyone who likes the killers" "the band? yeah they are one of my favorites" "well you dont happen to know anyone who would want to go to the show tonight?" "ummmm" anyways. blah blah blah, the lady had THREE TICKETS TO GIVE AWAY. apparently she got them for her son and his gf and someone else, but his gf and the kid broke up, so he didnt want to go, and since she was a regular and loved our service, came in to offer them. well it was just matt and i closing and we are just mulling it over...like....hey...SEE THE KILLERS FOR FREE LIVE IN 2 HOURS!!! so he called in Dana to come in and close the store for us (plus he paid him some bribe cash haha) so matt and i went to go see the killers live! the show was fuckin AWESOME! definitely one of the better shows ive ever seen. :) :) :)


anyways thats about the whole update for me.